About IQ, part 1: Lawyers and witnesses

Sper că vă descurcaţi la engleză, sunt prea leneşă ca să le traduc. Enjoy.

* Lawyer: “Was that the same nose you broke as a child?”
* Witness: “I only have one, you know.”

* Lawyer: “Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?”
* Witness: “By death.”
* Lawyer: “And by whose death was it terminated?”

* Lawyer: “How old is your son, the one living with you?”
* Witness: “Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.”
* Lawyer: “How long has he lived with you?”
* Witness: “Forty-five years.”

* Lawyer: “What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?”
* Witness: “He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’”
* Lawyer: “And why did that upset you?”
* Witness: “My name is Susan.”

* Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
* Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
* Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
* Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”

* Lawyer: “How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”

* Lawyer: “Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–”
* Witness: “Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.”

* Lawyer: “The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?”

* Lawyer: “I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.”
* Witness: “That’s me.”
* Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?”

* Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?”
* Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.
* Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?”
* Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.
* Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?”
* Witness: “No.”

* Lawyer: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
* Witness: “All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.”

* Lawyer: “Did he pick the dog up by the ears?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “What was he doing with the dog’s ears?”
* Witness: “Picking them up in the air.”
* Lawyer: “Where was the dog at this time?”
* Witness: “Attached to the ears.”

* Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
* Witness: "I could see his head."
* Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
* Witness: "Just above his shoulders."

* Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
* Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
* Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"

* Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"